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02/29/04 | 12:43 a.m.

There's been this personality test going around, lately, and I decided to take it.

I've posted it here because... well... because I have nothing else to write on right now, really, and this will be the last day of the month. Further, I wanted to get at least one last entry in before I upload my next month's blog. Which, by the way, is pretty cool.

I did go see a student-written play at Brevard College's Porter Center tonight, though. Anna and I saw it. The set was very cleverly done, and I appreciated the way they performed the ending role call, but the play itself suffered from everything I dislike about the stereotypical "play" behavior. See my peeves:

  • overacting
  • harsh lighting (I support imitation of "natural" lighting)
  • unrealistic physical characteristics
  • shabby soundtrack
  • way too much makeup
Anywho, here's the results of my personality test:
Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results
Sociability |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Gregariousness |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Assertiveness ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Activity Level ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Excitement-Seeking ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Enthusiasm ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Extroversion ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Trust |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Morality |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Altruism ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Cooperation ||||||||||||||| 46%
Modesty ||||||||||||||| 42%
Sympathy ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Friendliness |||||||||||||||||| 60%
Confidence |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Neatness ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Dutifulness |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Achievement |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78%
Self-Discipline ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Cautiousness ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Orderliness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 72%
Anxiety |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Volatility ||||||||| 22%
Depression ||||||||| 26%
Self-Consciousness ||||||||| 30%
Impulsiveness ||||||||||||||| 42%
Vulnerability |||||| 18%
Emotional Stability ||||||||||||||||||||| 68%
Imagination |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Artistic Interests |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Emotionality |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78%
Adventurousness ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Intellect |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Liberalism |||||||||||| 34%
Openmindedness ||||||||||||||||||||| 69%
Take Free Advanced Big 30 Personality Test

02/24/04 | 12:41 p.m.

It has been a good day, so far. I woke up luxuriously, adding an extra hour to what I set my alarm for. 

And I watched that extra hour.

Every now and then, I'd roll over to glance at the clock.

Only seven minutes had passed. It felt like twenty.

This should be a good day.

Although there's the Wal-Mart interview to worry about. Oh well.

02/24/04 | 1:06 a.m.
Can anyone tell me why it is that a body can start off with a bowl of popcorn, consuming it piece by piece, and somehow manages to switch to a barbaric rush of filling their hands with it and eating it as quickly as possible within minutes? It takes a conscious effort to avoid this behavior. It's very odd.

Tomorrow is my scheduled job interview with Wal-Mart. I'm not really looking forward to being involved in the working world again. But hey, I'll get used to it. I always do. Just have to remember that all work and no play makes Mashu a poor soul selling out to the Establishment.

02/20/04 | 1:29 a.m.
I rode with Anna to Hendersonville and back, tonight, 'cause she really wanted to get out of town.

On the way back, I conducted some brief visualization exercises. This time, I used some external aids to spark the direction of my imagination. The street lights travelled across my shut eyes, suggesting patterns to my sight. From here, my third eye took over. The lights changed colors, the patterns moved freely yet orderly; they morphed into blades, into Celtic knots, evaporating into faces, expressions, etc. It was fun, and I believe more vivid than usual. My mind was more into it than most previous instances.

One interesting task to try, for the enthusiastic imagineer: Try to trigger hallucination. By this, I don't mean taking drugs or anything; by this, I mean seeing reality for what it is, and with your third eye, seeing reality for what it can be.

For example, a glass Coca-Cola bottle upon your desk could magically sport a tutu and enact Swan Lake. Or an anvil could be drawn into the air with a mere pencil, and descend at a humorous velocity toward the skyward side of some annoying person's head. Or a common frog could grab up a cane, wield a tophat, and start singing, "Hello, my baby; hello, my honey; hello, my ragtime gal~!"

Imagine that.

02/19/04 | 4:11 p.m.
There is nothing quite as satisfying as life's circumstances taking care of revenge for you. Yesterday, Anna and I went over to the Subway on the Rosman highway. Guess who we saw working there? Jodie Johnson, a girl who was almost a total bitch to me and a pain to Anna.

Nice to have her serving me, for once.


02/19/04 | 2:33 p.m
I added a links section. There, you'll find links to artists, friends, and whatever the hell else I care to add.
02/18/04 | 4:47 p.m.
I took a quiz. 

congratulations. you are the kiss my ass happy
bunny. You don't care about anyone or anything.

You must be so proud

which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

And another.

You are one of the few out there whose wings are truly ANGELIC. Selfless, powerful, and divine, you are one blessed with a certain cosmic grace. You are unequalled in peacefulness, love, and beauty. As a Being of Light your wings are massive and a soft white or silver. Countless feathers grace them and radiate the light within you for all the world to see. You are a defender, protector, and caretaker. Comforter of the weak and forgiver of the wrong, chances are you are taken advantage of once in awhile, maybe quite often. But your innocence and wisdom sees the good in everyone and so this mistreatment does not make you colder. Merciful to the extreme, you will try to help misguided souls find themselves and peace. However not all Angelics allow themselves to be gotten the better of - the Seraphim for example will be driven to fighting for the sake of Justice and protection of those less powerful. Congratulations - and don't ever change - the world needs more people like you.

Claim Your Wings
brought to you by Quizilla

02/18/04 | 2:06 a.m.
It's 2:00 in the morning, and I'm wondering why I haven't allowed myself to finally turn in for the night. I was so tired, only a minute ago. But I think I know why I haven't gone to bed yet. I believe it's because I still have some creative juices within me that I need to release. The question is how.

I've already taken a shot at drawing a little bit. I threw together the makings of a rather creative dragon, but I'm too artistically drained to carry on further for the night. So I'm basically left to venting through writing. Writing not so much for the some trivial or important subject as just writing for the sake of writing, rambling, and typing up nonsense in general. I hope that makes sense to persons outside of myself.

In recent news, I ran across an old artist friend online by the name of Zekiel Cho, and I've just begun correspondence with him again. He's improved quite a lot since I first knew him. He's very inspiring to me.

I think I'm going to add some other exercises to my visualization sessions. I'm thinking of incorporating 5-minute visualizations on pre-determined subjects.

Since I've seriously been making a point of trying to dream and visualize on a daily/nightly basis, I've noticed that it is effecting my old behaviors. My mental voice has calmed itself considerably; I can almost do anything without it setting off in reaction to me sensing something. I'm accomplishing one of my goals of turning imagery, not verbalization, into my dominant mental language. And I'm pretty confident that this will play a significant role in getting my visualization abilities to a higher level of skill.

Hell, if nothing else, it's making my mood extremely optimistic when dealing with life in general.

Okay, I feel better now. I've vented. 

My eyes are remind me that they're dry and bloodshot, so I'm committing myself to my bed for the night.

Goodnight, you people.

Quote of the Day | "Let my methane go!" - some poor bloated fellow, parodizing a famous line by a nameless Bible character

02/17/04 | 4:35 p.m.
I've added a new entry to my dream blog.
02/16/04 | 4:34 p.m.
Today already feels like two days. I got up at 7:30 in the morning, went over to Anna's house and helped her get her college stuff in order, then followed her car over to Brevard College to make sure she didn't have any trouble with her new manual transmission vehicle. And she was okay. But she left her running lights on, so I had to borrow her keys at the last minute to turn them off. So then I came back home, took a shower, shaved, and headed back to the college an hour later to return her car keys to her. She and Laura had plans to hang out and have some "girl talk" between her classes, so I went along with that. I took them to Essence of Thyme, by default, since they were rather indecisive about a place to go to. So I sat between them and zoned in and out of their girl talk. Come 11:00 a.m., lunch entered the conversation. They were indecisive yet again, so, being the responsible resident man, I suggested Dugan's. And Dugan's it was.

After eating, Anna had almost a solid hour to burn before she had to go to her next class. As they were indecisive, again (noticing a trend, here?), I offered to drag them around while I do some job hunting. I went to College Plaza to pick up an application at L & L Bagel Deli, while Anna and Laura walked over to Rockin' Robin's to browse their wares. The deli was extremely busy, so they suggested I come back at 2:30 to pick up an application. Okay, then. So I walked over to Rockin' Robin's to see the girls. As we were leaving, a woman exited out of the new business in town called Pescados Burritos, if my memory of the spelling is correct. Anna asked her if they're looking for workers. I recall not what the woman said, but she invited us in to pick up some job applications. Anna and I took it up. I'll be turning my application in, fairly soon. I have a pretty good feeling that I might just get hired there. However, Anna informed me that "pescados" means "fish", so that has me worried. ;p Oh well. I don't have to eat it.

And then I took Anna and Laura over to Anna's house so she could pick up her guitar stuff for her next class, then we went back to the college and I dropped Anna and Laura off.

So I headed home, again, and took care of some things at the house for about an hour. I left for the deli at 2:10 p.m. to pick up an application. They seem to be pretty nice people, I also have a fairly good feeling about that business.

And, again, I returned home for a nap and visualization exercise.

Sorry, I didn't muster anything notable from my visualization, this time. But I am resolving to carry some little notebook with me, or something, so I can record my visualizations away from my computer. It'll be easier to recall them, this way, if I'm not going to have immediate access to the computer.

It's now 4:57 p.m., and I promised I'd help Anna with stuff at her house after she got done with her guitar student, so I must now depart for that.

I want some sunshine.

02/16/04 | 9:21 a.m.
Today I made my first true attempt at making an omelette. My success was about on the standard level of general omelettes, so I didn't feel too bad. In other words, it was a little too firm for my present ideal conception. Therefore, it was slightly overcooked. I believe some exploration of seasonings may also be in order. We have a helluva lot of ham in storage, so I'll have to make use of that in my next attempt.

Recipe so far: Butter the frying pan (allowing butter to melt a bit), pour on the egg gloop (assuring that all other ingredients are in the egg gloop beforehand -- in this case; onions, green peppers). Be sure to cook both sides evenly.

02/15/04 | 9:21 p.m.
Well, Valentine's Day didn't go at all as planned, with the exception that I got to spend essentially the whole day with Anna. I woke up to an irritated stomach and nausea, at about 6:30 that morning. Even in illness, I procrastinate.

"I will not throw up. I will not throw up. I won't, I won't, I won't."

And so it came. A rush of flavors shot up to the top of my throat. It wasn't too difficult to dissect the combinations of tastes. (I quickly learned that eating shrimp and re-cooked beans close to the same time is a bad idea.) In a jiffy, I was hovering over the toilet. Down goes the head, up comes the waste. I must've spasmed at least 7 times.

Fortunately, I feel fine now. And for the first time that I can recall, I have had the privilege of vomiting on Valentine's Day. Thus, "V-Day" took on a secondary meaning of "Vomit Day".

I went back to bed after that royal flush. The rest of the day was spent with Anna nursing me back to health, and watching movies. I introduced her to Forrest Gump (which she quite enjoyed), and Evelyn (a fairly good documentary).

It was a good day.

Apologies, but I think I may let the "bob" cartoons go. Maybe I'll change my mind, later... especially if I get some support to continue them.

02/13/04 | 1:47 a.m.
Anna and I composed, in comprehensive detail, an essay regarding why First Cause makes sense. If you'd like to comment on the essay, you can do so in the essay forums.

"Which came first, the chicken or the egg?" This question has been asked countless times, probably since the beginning of recorded time. Puzzling children and philosophers alike, this quandary often leads to such unproductive answers such as, "The egg. No, the chicken! Wait!" Even though this particular question is quite silly, it does bring up serious questions involving the universe. We all accept that no human just "pops" into being without undergoing the natural process of conception, that no towering oak or delicate flower exists without having been once a tiny seed or nut. These seeds, nuts, and babies in turn came from their parents, who were once small offspring of their parents. This "circle of life" is so universal it seems almost self-explanatory. It is common knowledge that this progression (from parent to child through countless generations) is where all current life, future life, and past life has gotten or will get its start. Even considering evolutionary science, every new species and class that arose came from a predecessor. So it has been since the beginning of the habitation of Earth. 

Most scientists place the start of life on this planet at about 3 billion years ago. Without going into debate regarding the exact age of the formation of life on Earth, we can safely assume that life on Earth began at some point, starting the circle of life that continues today. This acceptance leaves one to question, "Where did this first organism come from?" It could not have come from pre-existing life, as it was the original inhabitant of Earth. However, according to the natural laws, it could not have sprung from mid-air, either. This first being defied the laws of nature and existed -- existed without a predecessor. 

Think about it. No matter when it started, life began on Earth at some point where it had previously not existed. This defiant act of living spawned a whole chain of events; it began the circle of life, which we and every living thing around us are inescapably a part of. But what caused this to happen in the first place? Is it within reason to believe that the first organism, whatever it may have been, came of abiogenesis (spontaneous generation) -- a theory which was disproven by Louis Pasteur? Pasteur's experiments show that there had to have been a pre-existing being to set up the chain of parent-to-child relationships that now govern the world around us. In this cycle of causes and effects, this original being would have been the predecessor of all that came after it the first cause in our universe of effects.

Life following this "first cause" did not begin in a vacuum. That is to say, it did not form suspended in space. The very planet on which it began, the solar system and all of the stars and galaxies; all of these had to come into being at some point. The general consensus of scientific data points to some variation of the Big Bang theory, the idea that the planets, stars, etc. (or at least the predecessors thereof) exploded suddenly out of an extremely dense ball of matter some 20 billion years ago. Plausible, yes. The Big Bang theory easily explains the creation of the non-living universe. But what caused the Big Bang?

However, even this theory still does not explain the origin of the universe. Imagine that you can see far back into the depths of time. The universe as we know it does not yet exist. The Big Bang is about to occur. The slow journey toward the birth of human kind is about to embark. But what is the universe now, but a void of compressed matter and energy? Obviously, this state preceded the more orderly universe. But where did that come from? What created the extremely dense matter? 

Logically, the only thing that could cause the Big Bang and the creation of life (and even the matter and energy required to fuel both) would have to be an deviation from the idea that no thing can come from nothing. It is not hard to understand the need for an exception to the rules -- a predecessor of all that we can perceive, the default originator of all things following it.

Admittedly, the mass of condensed matter and energy preceding the Big Bang could have always existed. But how could mere matter and energy form itself into the exacting, precise forms and quantities necessary to keep an almost infinite universe in perfect balance? Also, the idea of pre-existing matter and energy in no way explains the origin of life in our universe. The complexity of the material universe and especially the living world, points to an intelligent plan of action. To presume that unguided matter and energy could by itself create such precise combinations necessary to make such a vast universe, and then to create nearly infinite combinations of chemicals necessary for life (and then to give said combinations of chemicals self-destiny and/or sentience) is to presume the highly improbable, if not impossible. 

What is left if mere chance is taken then out of the picture? What possibilities are left but the idea, the need, for an intelligent planner of our universe? What is left but a purposeful creation of life by a wise and powerful being? Maybe all that is left is the obvious need for a predecessor, a predecessor of all life and the natural laws that govern them. The need for such a higher being is not a radical notion stemming from some sort of a societal need for a purposeful life; it is the only logical conclusion that can explain all the many facets of the origin of all we know to exist. It is not important to argue what form such a higher being might take to show the need for its existence. It should be enough to state that such a higher being must be in all ways a "higher being", certainly possessing higher powers of intelligence, wisdom, and strength powerful enough to set into motion the chain of causes and effects that is classically repeated in the timeless "chicken and the egg" question. Following this line of reasoning, it is quite easy to recognize that the original predecessor of all we can perceive has always existed, that it holds the power to create order from nothing, to spawn all life from itself.

02/13/04 | 12:32 a.m.
I refuse to use my blog as an outlet for whining about my circumstances, hoping people will take pity upon me. I believe it's far better used for encouraging constructive thought. I can't stand you people who write in your blogs almost always for the sake of milking sympathy from people you assume are reading it. After all, that's why you tell your friends about them. Aren't you ashamed? You aren't happy unless you drag people down with you into your pathetic depression to fuel your ego. For God's sake, pull yourselves together. So you might have a shitty mom and dad and/or "nobody likes you" and/or nobody seems to pay attention to you. Truth is, life tends to suck by default. Even the people you grow jealous of because they seem to have it so easy just because of their looks, charm, or artificial wit are not going to have it easy 100% of the time. And you know why? Because justice comes to even the undeservingly elevated. If they're not worth their salt, their so-called "friends" will eventually realize it and they'll be gone. (If they stick around, it's only for opportunistic reasons. Don't worry, they'll go.) I've seen some of the most popular girls and guys meet with cold, hard reality. And they're left with nothing but a pretty face. There's more to true celebrityhood than good looks and wealth. You've got to actually mean something, 'cause some poor mother could just pop out some other boy or girl that'll grow up to be the next Britney Spears or Ashton Kutcher. But everybody hates Britney Spears.

Truth is, regardless of how poorly you start off, everyone can rise above their circumstances, recognize their mistakes and the errs of their elders and peers, and eventually come out pretty much where they want to be. But the pleasure should not be in the end; for the end is temporary. It should be in the means, the very journey itself. The one thing most likely to make good memories is a well-lived present and a thoughtful future.

Now shut up, grow up, and be nice to the little people. :)

In today's news: Sarah Campbell has turned 16-years-old (or will be at some point during today). Congratulations.

02/10/04 | 11:25 p.m.
I went to the "Mancini at the Movies" concert, tonight. It was very good, minus one error on the part of one of the lead saxophonists on the very first song (the "Pink Panther" theme). Henry Mancini's daughter is on tour with the orchestra, and she sung for about half of the playlist. Not too bad, really.

It's interesting to see a famous celebrity in person. Easier to pick up on their imperfections, thus reducing them to that somewhat less appreciated species known as humanity. Ms. Mancini certainly had stage presence, but her public relations could've used some work. Apparently, she's not very understanding of Southern culture. She didn't even realize that "grits" is never referred to as "grit" in the singular, but still as "grits". That is truly sad. But oh well. Still a good performer.

The "bob" strips are temporarily postponed until life is more convenient for me. Right now, I'm terribly pre-occupied with projects that require so much more priority that I'll feel guilty if I don't do them first. So be patient, fans of bob.

02/08/04 | 4:20 p.m.
Blahhhhh. I'm afraid I haven't accomplished anything noteworthy in my visualization exercises since I last posted. A lot of difficulty focusing, but I'm pretty confident that the exercises are still worthwhile. I really need this to work out for me. I can't stand carrying on with so many drawings, only to be totally incapable of finishing them. It isn't fair. It just isn't.

I have been dreaming every night, consecutively, since I began the visualization routine. So something is undoubtedly going on, 'cause it used to be a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng time between dreams before. Odds are, this is a good thing.

Anna's speech on her First Cause essay is due sometime this week. I have to go assist her with bringing it together.

Why is it that, sometimes when I get out of the shower, my hair dries up and makes me look like some fucking cherub?

02/05/04 | 2:31 p.m.
On our way to the funeral, I sat in the back seat of the car and engaged in a session of visual imagination. I took the first image that popped into my mind (which was a slinky-like object stretched out into a perfect circle), and attempted to focus on it to assure it was understood so distractions would be less likely to change its form in my memory. That accomplished, I used my inner voice as a guide to alter its form however I desired. But quite often, my imagination would get ahead of me and change things on its own. Very creative, off-the-wall things -- but mostly uncontrollable and undisciplined until I could catch up to it. I still had a little success with this subject, however. My imagination was allowed to wander freely, and it surely did. From the center of the slinky, there rose vertically a yellow flag pole. It grew from its zenith an orange, triangular flag, which then dissipated into a vapor of the same color. I took that vapor and caused it to swirl until it transmogrified into Cool Whip with the lid removed. I zoomed out a little, and the Cool Whip was revealed to be sitting in an open refrigerator.

I got distracted in the car and decided to do other things.

But I'm hereby making a point of having at least one 15-minute visualization session everyday, from here on. I feel quite confident that this practice will afford noticeable results in my drawing ability. Plus, it's also rather fun to do -- and it's getting easier to imagine. I'll chart my progress on a weekly basis. I'll present a report on what I've accomplished, one week from now. (Unless I have some miracle between now and then worth mentioning.)

Anyways, about the funeral. It was so STUPID. There was a preacher accompanied by three musicians: two elderly women singers and an old male guitarist. The preacher started off with an attempt at a eugulogy for the dearly departed. He didn't last 5 minutes before turning his eulogy into a fire-and-brimstone sermon telling people to repent, or else. He also reminded us several times that he, himself, is definitely going to Heaven.

And then the musicians broke into song... It was country gospel from Hell.

We had a little reunion with extended family at a little restaurant, after that.

11:34 p.m.
I finished my 15-minute imagination session, sometime earlier today. It didn't seem all that productive, all in all, but I know every little bit helps. Again, I let it begin with the first image that popped into my head. This time, it was a car tire. I had difficulty focusing on this subject, so my mind wandered to other imagery. Nothing concrete, though. From circles to stickmen to three-dimensional bug-eyed aliens. I did settle on an image of Calvin (from Calvin and Hobbes), however.  The same image I imagined, yesterday. It was as if I were staring down at him from, say, his tree house. And he was looking up at me with a blank expression. He was wearing his usual clothing, except with the unzipped blue jacket you sometimes see him with. I held this image for a few moments, and then my imagination assumed the role of my mental camera; it zoomed down to Calvin and behind the back of his head. But his head changed the instant the new perspective settled. I saw it now in a greater detail than you usually see Calvin drawn, almost true to reality in some ways, and it was in full color. My imagination was led elsewhere, shortly after. (I can probably draw the initial appearance of Calvin with reasonable detail, at this point, but I'm going to run through a few more visualizations repeating his figure before I try to draw him. This will be an excellent test to prove just how effective visualization is as an aid to drawing.)

So I took a shot at using my imagination on a fresher subject: my JaCkinbOx character. (For those of you not familiar with him, he's basically a jack-in-the-box drawn in an anime-like style.) I based this visualization on one of my most recent drawings of him (of which I'm most content with), and attempted to animate him. I couldn't seem to focus well enough to change his facial expressions with clarity. But I did manage to follow one of his hands pretty well. My vision centered on him slapping his hand on a surface (even with sound effects). I froze his hand once it hit the surface and tried to dissect it. It turned translucent and I had black lines rap around the bases of his finers and thumbs, thus giving his (fingerless) hand an almost square-like shape. I rotated the hand in its present state, studying it from all angles. I mentally made it "fatten up" in the areas where it was presumed inaccurate.

And then my alarm went off, alerting me to the fact that my session was finished.

I'm going to try to give a daily report on my visualization studies. Hopefully, people aside from myself will be able to benefit from them.

My goal is to elevate my visualization ability to its zenith, so that I can then overlay the mental images directly over the canvas. The rest of the job is simply a matter of tracing and tonal control. If I can accomplish this, then all the visual wonders of the universe and the imagined are under the complete control of my mind, my hand, and my art stick.

Do you realize how groundbreaking such a discovery would be? This is even more broad than simply drawing. This IS what the art world is supposed to be all about. This is the true creative process behind the visual arts, writing, music, and possibly even culinary.

Sure, you may laugh now, but you just wait and see.

02/04/04 | 11:07 a.m.
Funny. Today is the 4th day of this month. And yet, already, it feels as if the month should be over.

But this isn't a bad thing, let me tell you. It's because this month is moving so slowly that it feels so much more productive. It may not BE productive (although it surely kinda is), it still FEELS productive. I've made some subtle advancement in my artistic skill, within the past few days. So that's one instance of evident progress. I'm also starting to dream more. (And I need to start writing down the details; it'll help dream recall.)

I still love the look of my blog. I'm really getting the feel of this. Next month's is only going to look better. I was planning on doing a green theme for next month, but nah. I want to reserve that for March.

I did something crazy, early this morning. I took my green spray paint... looked at my wall... and, well, the rest is history. It looks pretty sloppy, at the moment, but it's a work-in-progress. I'm inclined to spray it in the way I did Anna's chair, which was a burgundy/evergreen marbled appearance. A fine piece of furniture, I do say. I'll be sure to post a picture of it on here. Hopefully, soon.

I'm off to the bloody funeral. I don't like funerals. Especially not funeral homes. They smell like hospitals. You know what I mean. That stinch of old flesh, sustained by ungodly preservatives and ugly flowers.

I'll pontificate on the details of hating funerals, when I return. Hopefully I'll be back in time for the concert at 8 p.m. at the college that Anna said was supposed to be good.

02/02/04 | 11:50 pm.
You bet I'm a fucking he-man. I'm sitting here, drinking 100% cranberry juice. That's fucked up.

We were very recently hit with a brownout. For those of you who aren't familiar with the term, it means a temporary power loss. Just like a blackout, only not nearly as long. A blackout will last at least a day.

It reminded me, though, that it's a very humbling experience when the power goes out in your house. Especially at night. It's as black as black can be.

Have you ever stumbled around your house, looking for a box of matches so you can find a flashlight?

I have.

Not fun.

In other news, my mom's father passed away, a couple of days ago. The funeral's on Wednesday, so we're going to be gone for most of that day.

I hope she doesn't take it too hard.

02/02/04 | 6:00 p.m.
I drew up a self-portrait, today. I insisted on spending no more than an hour on it. I drew the right eye, first, and expanded around that. I was using an out-of-the-way mirror for the project, so there was a good bit of guesswork on the drawing. Unfortunate.

But anyway, I'm fairly happy with it. Here it is.

02/02/04 | 2:00 p.m.
I've decided that if I don't make it in the business world, I'm going to become a traveling gypsy. I might do that anyway, actually. I can just see it now. Anna and I will travel the world, treating audiences to our talents, and live free.

Well, today apparently wasn't a terribly wonderful day to be applying for jobs. A lot of businesses in town were closed for the day, for some reason. Most of the rest aren't looking for help at all. I did manage to get one official application in, though, at a local jewelry store. I also was trying to apply at the thrift store in town, but they didn't have application sheets available at the time. They suggested I come back tomorrow or the next day, and they'll have them. They seemed to be implying that they'll be looking to hire people, soon.

Better luck, tomorrow, eh?

02/01/04 | 7:31 p.m. | And God said to Moses, "Whazzaaaaaaahhhh!!!"
Anna and I are assembling an essay proving First Cause, once and for all, for her English assignment for college. The first draft was very good; it was received well in the class. The final draft is due Wednesday. This is something of a challenge, though, because we're submitting it to a class whose teacher is atheistic, as are a good part of the students. So we have to write it in a way where the argument we're making won't settle into their minds until they finish reading it. You have to understand that, to the unyielding atheistic mind, you mustn't write in a way where they realize that you're supporting [mono]theism. You must appeal to their dinky little egos, and then hit them hard with the undeniable logic. If you neglect to do this, they may read what you have to say, but they've already settled into the belief that you're a religious wacko. Usually Judeo-Christian, at that. (Interesting.)

I expect an "A" for this piece.

02/01/04 | 12:28 a.m. | Megalomaniacs.
Aristotle would not be able to write a concise essay, for the life of him.

But you know I love you, man. I'm all about the love.

02/01/04 | 10:36 a.m. | *eee-ee* *eee-ee*
I forgot to mention one thing I intended to, in my previous entry.

I highly recommend renting the movie Chocolat. Maybe even purchasing it. The cover is deceptively lovey-dovey-mushy, but the movie is a true intellectual indulgence. I wager you'll forget you're outside of the movie, should you venture to view it. And that is a clear sign of an excellent film.

Sorry, folks. No spoilers.

02/01/04 | 2:06 a.m. | Pepsi, Pepsi, Pepsi!
February. It is an odd month. It exudes a refreshing aura of spring, yet it is a winter month. February is an encouraging month. And I just noticed that I finished all previous sentences with the word "month". Quaint.

Monday, I aim to finish applying to every other conceivable business in Brevard that I haven't gotten to yet. I need a job. My attitude on job-hunting has certainly improved, within the last month. I'm grateful for that. I don't fear rejection nearly as much as I used to, nor not knowing what to do. I may not be a genius, but at least I recognize that I'm capable enough to learn pretty much anything I need to. I mean, one of my jobs was as a pharmacy technician. Granted, I haven't finished all of my training, there, but I see clearly enough that if I were to put my mind to it, the rest would be easier than the multiplication table was to memorize.

One shouldn't feel guilty for having a little bit of fun, occasionally.

You're going to disappoint some people, you're going to let some of them down, on occasion, but if you maintain a good attitude, you'll fix everything you should in due time. But remember, you weren't put here on this earth to live a stressed out, fucked up life. We were all put here to enjoy ourselves, and our only duty is to learn how to do so harmoniously.

Please be kind. Unwind.

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"Let my methane go!"

Quote of the Day | 02/18/04

"Assert your right to make a few mistakes. If people can't accept your imperfections, that's their fault."

Dr. David M. Burns
Quote of the Day | 02/02/04

 "Tough shit!!" 

Quote of the Day | 02/01/04

Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry.

George Ade
The greatest mistake is trying to be more agreeable than you can be.
Walter Bagehot

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

Scott Adams, creator of Dilbert

If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down.

Mary Pickford

When you make a mistake, don't look back at it long. Take the reason of the thing into your mind and then look forward. Mistakes are lessons of wisdom. The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power.

Hugh White

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.

Elbert Hubbard

We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made. 

Dan Quayle

Wise men profit more from fools than fools from wise men; for the wise men shun the mistakes of fools, but fools do not imitate the successes of the wise.

Cato the Elder

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.

Jilly Cooper

I hate women because they always know where things are.

James Thurber

Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another.

H. L. Mencken

Women have more to offer this world than just a fallopian tube. Nothing is going to change until you quit looking at us as just sperm receptacles.

Barbara Hall

He who is not very strong in memory should not meddle with lying.

Michel de Montaigne

It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!

Friedrich Nietzsche

Americans are the only people in the world known to me whose status anxiety prompts them to advertise their college and university affiliations in the rear window of their automobiles.

Paul Fussell

There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have.

Don Herold

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.

Bertrand Russell

We live in a Newtonian world of Einsteinian physics ruled by Frankenstein logic.

David Russell

Men acquire a particular quality by constantly acting a particular become just by performing just actions, temperate by performing temperate actions, brave by performing brave actions.


Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.

Russell Baker

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! 

Tom Lehrer

DAWN, n. The time when men of reason go to bed. Certain old men prefer to rise at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh. They then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old, not because of their habits, but in spite of them. The reason we find only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the others who have tried it.

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary