31, 2004 | 1:29 a.m.
I'll be! Seeing as how I'm now in the a.m., that means that I've entered
a new day; and the new day is the 31st! The final day of the month of January!
Which means I need to cook up a February blog image.
monkey mafia. It's been fun.
28, 2004 | 12:40 a.m.
don't always have to travel far in order to have a vacation. Some days,
all you need is a walk in the park.
28, 2004 | 1:25 a.m.
is a lot of money. But I know we'll get it. I've no doubt it's going to
be some adventure doing so, though.
spent approximately 5 hours doing nothing but downloading reference images
for drawing. It doesn't seem like a big deal, right now, but it's one of
those long-term things that are good to do. So I accomplished something
that's going to help me out a good bit, even if I don't feel that accomplished.
27, 2004 | 3:21 p.m.
has been a bittersweet day. Something of a pause in life's troubles, but
still serving as a reminder of more to come. But it's going to be okay.
I made Quote of the Day, tonight, however:
all you need is a root beer."
that, if you're feeling particularly down, a single glass of root beer
-- and I insist on it being root beer -- makes one feel so much more at
ease. I don't know why, but it's true.
I'm already committed.
added to leftover beans in the crock pot and actually made it taste like
some first-class concoction. If I can do that to beans, can I really deny
I've got the instincts of an excellent improvisational cook?
27, 2004 | 2:27 a.m.
badass, muthas. That's right.
not going to give away my recipe, but I will say that Cajun seasoning is
I'm still up. I've spent almost the entire day in my room, drawing with
my tablet and posting on christianboard.com. Drinking Sunkist and downing
potato chips, all the while. If that isn't sad, I don't know what is.
you know, it could be worse. It's been essentially a snowed-in day, so
driving conditions weren't ideal.
I'm going to sleep, durn
26, 2004 | 9:39 p.m.
don't rembember the last time I dreamt.
24, 2004 | 1:16 a.m.
been doing a lot of research on the topic of dreaming, recently, so I'll
be conducting a number of experiments to see if I cannot increase my dream
recall. I feel this may be an important part in bringing my once great
visualization skill back into practice.
first experiment, starting tonight, will be to set my alarm two hours after
I go to bed. If I recall a dream, I will repeat the two hours.
was almost an hour ago, at around 12:30 ante meridiem, that I was just
leaving Anna's house. It was chilly, but not enough to be a burden. The
wind howled through the tall trees like a banshee, accompanied by the clinks
and clangs of a wind chime somewhere close by. The neighborhood chorus
of dogs would sporadically improv a composition.
21, 2004 | 10:35 p.m.
forgotten how familiar such sounds had once been. And so I paused to absorb
it, reminiscing past memories. I realized with the deepest magnitude I
ever recall having, that I had somehow... sealed off the outside world.
I went from a child in harmony with everything nature had to offer, to
a teenager increasingly pressured by what society and pop culture keeps
telling us is "real life". I had not felt so at peace with myself since
I fell into harmony with Anna, and she has been a fine addition to my life.
But as happy as I have been with her -- and I'm certain I shall continue
to be -- something has still been missing from my life. And that something,
I believe, is my past life.
childhood. So filled with a daily freshness, so packed with things to discover
and dissect. I thought pizza, a daily skinned and grass-stained knee, and
someone to play with until the sun set was as good as a day could get.
Back then, I knew what it meant to be alive.
everything more deeply than I've come to see them today. Because it was
fresh. Because I wasn't yet told why the sky is blue, why the grass is
green, and where babies come from.
was a time
that meant for me that anything was possible. If I wanted to be Peter Pan,
or Spider-Man, or a character out of Tom Sawyer (nameless or otherwise),
dammit, I was. If I could imagine it, it was real. I could feel it. I could
see it. I could even taste it. And it was sometimes a bitter taste, but
it was worth it.
no real friends, but that didn't matter so much. I could see everything
that was, and everything that wasn't, and everything that could be. Only
now does it don on me how great an ability that was. My imagination was
my best friend... the only one who understood me. And I understood my imagination
did I lose you?
life changed. We moved to a new house in Brevard, I met new people, and
was forced to adapt to a new environment. It was here that my childhood
began having maturity slowly poured upon it, gradually burying it under
the ground like a body past its expiration date. But it took a long time.
I still saw through the intuitive eyes of a fresh mind, still sometimes
seeing things that only existed in my mind.
was in this first home in Brevard that my parents started to sit me down
on uncomfortable chairs, prop a book up on a desk in front of me, and have
me absorb it. This was okay for awhile. It was fresh to me, and I was intrigued.
But this game eventually stopped being a game. Although I was still learning
what the books had to say, I was losing focus of why. Many "why"s were
answerable. But soon came the "because I said so," "or else".
fantasies were being pushed away. Along with them went my natural joy.
But I know they've never totally left me. I've only lost touch with them.
And when I have been seeing them, my vision is blurry, or they're whispered
to me in a way I can almost understand. They're still there, surely enough
-- but the lifestyle that's fallen upon me, conditioning me into a different
person, has weakened the bond between us.
found where it's hidden from me all these years. Where else did it have
to go than to the negative plain?
shadow. I should have known. I must get to know you, again, old friend.
to me my dreams. Remind me of what life's really about.
never lose you again.
can do this. You, me, and my girl. You were once good friends with her,
yourself, you might recall.
us slumber together, tonight. Awaken with me in the morning.
Essential for Creativity
21, 2004 | 9:46 p.m.
Jan 21, 3:53 PM ET Add Health - AP to My Yahoo!
WILLIAM McCALL, Associated Press Writer
the first time, scientists say they have proved what creative minds have
known all along: that our sleeping brains continue working on problems
that baffle us during the day, and that the right answer may come more
easily after eight hours of rest.
German study is considered to be the first hard evidence supporting the
commonsense notion that creativity and problem-solving appear to be directly
linked to adequate sleep.
researchers said the study provides a valuable reminder for overtired workers
and students that sleep is often the best medicine.
single study never settles an issue once and for all, but I would say this
study does advance the field significantly," said Dr. Carl E. Hunt, director
of the National Center on Sleep Disorders Research at the National Institutes
of Health (news - web sites). "It's going to have potentially important
results for children for school performance and for adults for work performance."
has long been thought to improve creativity. Rolling Stones guitarist Keith
Richards said the riff in "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction" came to him in
his sleep, while the 19th-century chemist Dmitri Mendeleev literally dreamed
up the periodic table of elements.
at the University of Luebeck found that volunteers taking a simple math
test were three times more likely than sleep-deprived participants to figure
out a hidden rule for converting the numbers into the right answer if they
had eight hours of sleep. The findings appear in Thursday's issue of the
Born, who led the study, said the results support biochemical studies of
the brain that indicate memories are restructured before they are stored.
Creativity also appears to be enhanced in the process, he said.
restructuring might be occurring in such a way that the problem is easier
to solve," Born said.
said the exact process in the sleeping brain for sharpening these abilities
remains unclear. But it appears that memories start deep in an area of
the brain called the hippocampus, and are eventually pushed outward to
the neocortex to be consolidated.
changes leading to creativity or problem-solving insight occur during "slow
wave" or deep sleep, which typically occurs in the first four hours of
the sleep cycle, he said.
findings also may explain the memory problems associated with aging, because
older people typically have trouble getting enough sleep, especially the
kind of deep sleep needed to process memories, Born said.
is rife with examples of artists and scientists who have awakened to make
their most notable contributions. Samuel Taylor Coleridge wrote the epic
poem "Kubla Khan" after a long night of rest. Robert Louis Stevenson credited
a good night's sleep with helping him create scenes in "The Strange Case
of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde." And Elias Howe came up with his idea for the
sewing machine after waking up.
researchers have long suspected that sleep helps to consolidate memories
and sharpen thoughts. But until now it had been difficult to design an
experiment to demonstrate it.
and his team "have applied a clever test that allows them to determine
exactly when insight occurs," Pierre Maquet and Perrine Ruby at the University
of Liege said in an accompanying commentary.
70 million Americans are believed to be sleep-deprived, contributing to
accidents, health problems and lower test scores.
and Ruby said the study should be considered a warning to schools, employers
and government agencies that sleep makes a huge difference in mental performance.
results "give us good reason to fully respect our periods of sleep — especially
given the current trend to recklessly curtail them," they said.
working on a self-portrait. I'm kinda happy with it, so far, but it's lacking
in charm. I think I'll change my color selection.
20, 2004 | 7:06 p.m.
It's going to be one of my
first submissions to the conceptart.org forums. I'm really trying to get
into that community, and participate in their activities. It certainly
is a great place to be, for serious artists. I highly recommend it.
I actually finished a drawing. How 'bout that. This is a frontal view of
myself with black & blue hair in the Dreamscape style. I'm actually
happy with it.
19, 2004 | 7:06 p.m.
one is truly free until there is no more authority to question." - Perry
19, 2004 | 3:04 a.m.
been redecorating my room, somewhat. I took a long mirror I had laying
around in my room and decided to hang it horizontally on my west wall.
(That is, assuming the wall my monitor is against is the north wall.) And
I moved my blacklight to be right above it. Also, I've been drawing on
the borders of my closet. It looks good so far, and if it works out, I'm
going to do the same to all the borders in the room.
door was installed incorrectly, so it doesn't really lock or anything.
If I get enthusiastic enough, I'm gonna get me a new door an' borders an'
whatnot an' install all by me onesy.
8 years of living here, I'm finally feeling at home in my room.
Stunning. It's truly amazing what an "ahhh, what the hell" sort of attitude
can accomplish. And it all started from me deciding to clean the place
up a bit. My spontaneity can be an asset, at times.
the by, I've made what I think is a relevant discovery about Jack Sparrow.
I believe his character is possibly supposed to be American. I believe
this due to accent, for one (which I'm guessing is south-eastern, and the
fact that he uses an old U.S. slang word: savvy.
something to consider.
do indoctrinated people come to believe they're infallible?
18, 2004 | 2:23 a.m.
was getting out of the bathroom, a few minutes ago, and as I was washing
up, I took notice of myself in the mirror. I know everyone occasionally
humors the vanity of looking oneself over, and so I did. For me, it's usually
nothing special -- normally not ego-boosting or anything like that. But
I was rather pleased with myself, this time. I happened to discover muscles
bulging in places on my arm that I'm certain weren't formerly showing six
months ago or prior to that, and how! The funny thing is that I haven't
made any real point of exercising at all. But I guess I must be doing something
16, 2004 | 4:31 p.m.
any rate, it encourages me to seriously develop my body a bit more. Maybe
I'll make th' ol' "six-pack" more prominent. I need to work on that area
anyway. I can't take a good punch there without doubling over, and that
can't be good. Time to resume those stomach crunches.
got Pirates of the Caribbean on DVD, today. Arrr, I love that movie. Johnny
Depp makes for the best pirate I've ever seen. Brilliant casting job, there.
ha, that cracks me up. Anyone that refers to Orlando Bloom as a eunuch
is okay by me.
hours can make a difference. After my previous post, I've managed to come
up with something semi-attractive in drawing. I'm working on character
sheets so I'll have an easier time with sequential art. Here's a sample:
16, 2004 | 1:21 p.m.
was inevitabe, I suppose, that I'd eventually incorporate noses into my
Dreamscape style. I'm rather content with the outcome of it. By coincidence,
it reminds me a lot of Kingdom Hearts, though. Pure coincidence.
see some things that I still want to carve out, however. Martha Stewart
and I agree that that is a good thing.
I think I'm not cut out to be a professional artist. A lot of times, actually.
It's extremely discouraging, because drawing has been the one returning
source of joy in my life for almost two decades. (Significant people in
my life aside, that is.) Why does it have to be so hard? What've I been
doing wrong? My visualization is virtually non-existent, at this point.
Sometimes, I spend hours upon hours just imagining and hoping I
can somehow keep the images in my mind long enough to translate them to
paper. The very moment the graphite touches the paper seems to be the very
moment I lose my creativity, my imagination. What the fuck is up with that?
I lacked the technical skill when my visualization was at its best. Now,
I lack the visualization and my technical skill is at its best.
16, 2004 | 2:11 a.m.
should be no truth in the phrase "trying too hard"...
say that I've put in far more time and attention than virtually any other
artist my age. So why do I see a number of others accomplishing more than
I do, or seem to be able to?
been planning a webcomic for over a year, now. I finally have virtually
all the equipment I could possibly need for doing a good one, but I'm seriously
lacking the ability to produce sequential artwork.
I'm depressed. I don't know why I even bother trying to draw seriously
I know this is just a phase... I've been through many of them before. I
know I can't give it up. I've worked too long and too hard to abandon my
commitment. I'll figure it out, someday. After all, what better things
do I have to do? This is basically what I'm all about.
turned in an application to work at the Blockbuster that'll be coming into
town in a little while. I hope I get hired. I quite need the funds.
15, 2004 | 9:44 p.m.
I admit that I am enjoying all the extra free time that goes along with
being unemployed. Might as well make the best of it, no? After all, this
is what life's *really* about. Not being unemployed, mind you, but being
15th was Anna's first day back to college. Good luck, love. I'm with you
has fewer classes than last semester, now, but she'll be spending just
about as much time as the previous semester -- if not more. College is
such bullshit, sometimes. And it's 90% for appearances. When the heck are
the rules going to change? I wish she didn't have to deal with all that
"The Clan of the Cave Bear". And it was horrible. Don't watch it.
no movies to look forward to in theatres until that Mel Gibson "Jesus"
flick comes out. What was it? "The Passion," I think? I heard that the
entire dialogue would be in the correct languages, even Aramaic. A rare
number of people speak that language anymore, I understand.
you ever have times in your life where you just feel like taking a vacation
for a whole year, doing whatever you darn well please? Even if it means
procrastinating with all the work you have to do to accomplish your dreams?
then I get my sleep for the night and wake up usually with enough encouragement
to make a little more progress to bringing those dreams closer to reality.
Because the dreams are so much more attractive, in the long run. It's a
wonder how I ever get discouraged. But I know my heart's in it, so I know
I'l be pursuing it until I have it.
use Yahoo.com as my start page. Sometimes, I see a headline to a news article
on there that catches my eye, and I usually check the public's opinion
on the article in their forums. 95% stupidity, but it's nevertheless amusing
to see someone always rushing to be the first to start a thread that says
"IT'S ALL BUSH'S FAULT", and leave it at that.
15, 2004 | 1:08 a.m.
wanted to mention that.
making shell pasta and cheese. It is a big yum.
not for tonight when it is tomorrow you need be concerned with. Let there
be rest where rest is due. Now is the time for night's black, sparkling
blanket to put us at ease.
14, 2004 | 1:52 a.m.
now. The stars are watching over you.
God likes chicken, would that suffice to say that the chicken came before
the egg? And if Eve was created from Adam's rib, was the chicken created
from some part of a rooster?
12, 2004 | 3:06 p.m.
something today. I learned that I do not particularly enjoy French onion
soup with a slice of bread soaking in it. Very disturbing textural issue.
of food, I need some good ideas for future improv cooking. Improv cooking
has become a new hobby of mine. I'd like to try something exotic, preferably.
Off the top of my brain, I believe I'd like to get into some kinda fruit
and another thing I did today: ceramics. Totally new to me. I went to this
place that makes ceramic sculptures with Anna and her mom, and we got to
pick our own sculptures and carve 'em or paint 'em or whatever. Anna's
mom got this pot thing to do, and Anna got a little frog and a Yoda to
do. The Yoda's going to be fired, already. I got a big frog to carve, and
I'm not finished with it yet. I only recently really got the hang of it.
It's not going to be hard at all, and it's quite enjoyable.
re-learned from Mom that she minored in ceramics. Interesting bit of information,
like to gripe about some nameless people who diss Brevard. I will have
you know that Brevard IS a rather boring place to those who haven't lived
here long enough to really get to know it. After living here for 14 years,
I can tell you that it's a very beautiful place that's full of potential.
It has everything a broad mind needs for growth, and it's not as cramped
as the big cities (such as Asheville). But don't get me wrong -- Asheville
is quite charming, but it's too populated.
love my tablet. This is generally a sample of my Dreamscape resemblance:
11, 2004 | 11:56 p.m.
stopped by Grace for a little bit, this morning. They haven't really changed
to better appeal to my taste, so I left prematurely. However, J.D. Mills
was there. It was nice to see him.
11, 2004 | 9:42 a.m.
comfortable with avoiding Grace for a couple more months, again.
to get another job, darn it...
interesting that I want another job, and yet I don't. Better put, I'd like
to explore my entrepreneurial potential outside of your average joe's minimum
wage slaving. I've had some hope for eventually profiting from selling
artwork. I think I should take up a secondary craft, if possible. Be it
making candles, or wood carving, or whatever such pastimes. I could get
into that. It'd be great if I could reasonably profit from doing that sort
of thing, as it'd be far easier to multi-task in my life, where need be.
Did I mention I find that sort of thing quite fulfilling?
you for your perpetual support, Anna dearest. :)
I have my computer up again. It's been down for about a month, so I haven't
been able to update my blog at all.
some excellent news, though. Anna got me a tablet for Christmas, and I've
thoroughly been enjoying drawing with it.