03/29/04 | 12:52
I defeated a warrior bush.
Today, I had the
best Italian wedding soup I've ever had in my life.
Today, I have learned
to buy things more intelligently.
Today, I saw a beautiful
Today, I was alive.
I was myself.
Today, we were free,
if only for a little while.
I can't make a career
with companies that are so distrusting of their employees that they will
sacrifice comfort just to eliminate all possible temptations for laziness.
I'm going to try
to make sure that I do not let myself sleep my share for a day if I do
not do at least one thing I recognize as productive. It isn't good for
the soul to be a robot.
the sort of person who considers myself rich if I have $300 to my name.
There are plenty who believe $1 million is hardly worth anything. Evidently,
they don't shop as well as I do.
03/20/04 | 11:32
Finally got my Wal-Mart
paycheck for my first pay period. It was about $360. I was expecting $700
or so. But oh well.
keep very few friends, nowadays. I always did have very few, but at least
now I've learned to hold onto the ones that actually care.
03/20/04 | 1:34 p.m.
For those of you
that I know do care, I'm sorry that I haven't been able to spend time with
you more freely. I've been very, very busy, lately. To boot, my new job
will foreseeably be much more pressing on my time than my previous jobs
were. Man, if I were to continue to work this hard, I wish I could keep
it to just three days out of a week. This 9 - 5 shit for 5 days a week
just isn't to my taste. This is the sort of thing that ruins your back
by the time you reach middle-age. And all because people want friendly
service as quickly as possible. Little do they know that they're just receiving
trained responses that have been programmed into you like a computer program,
and that your politeness is all a part of a script.
Anna and I went for
a walk, today. We observed some of the bits and pieces of the old Brevard
that have been decaying around the newer businesses. It was charming.
We walked by Creative
101, and the shopkeep kinda verbally dragged us in. We had a nice chat
for about an hour. I think I'm going to slap together some digital artwork
for her gallery, sometime soon. She has this thing where art submissions
are free for a day, or something. I'm thinking of taking advantage of that.
forgot something I wanted to mention in my previous entry.
03/20/04 | 11:44
Yesterday, at my
Wal-Mart job, there was this guy who came to my register that reeked of
shit. It was so bad that I swear you'd be able to smell him from a mile
away. It stunk so bad that it seemed to penetrate every pore in my body,
putting me at serious risk of blackheads everywhere.
Just wanted to get
that out. ;p
was first? The question or the answer?
03/19/04 | 12:27
A question always
comes in response to experiencing something new. The answer is an unknown
block, and questions are the chisel to carve out the answer's true form.
Eventually, through a series of questions, the task is accomplished.
So in considering
this, the question of whether the question or the answer came first
is resolved: it is the answer.
I can't remember
what I was thinking to choose to write this out. Let me know how you people
A person's work shouldn't
be something that leaves him unfulfilled at the end of the day. That's
the difference between what's your job and what's your work.
My work is not CVS, it is not Papa John's, and it is not Wal-Mart. My work
is not college with all its retarded restrictions and obligations. My work
is about me, and the things I want accomplished -- not what
someone else tells me to do, serving their ends. But sometimes jobs must
be served before one can work. However, I'm not going to allow myself to
be stuck with jobs forever.
I shall have work
that fulfills me. My work is a limitless dream, although it is gradually
entering into the realm of reality. And when the dimensional gate between
dream and reality is pulled inside out, I will live my dream. Our dream.
This is our dreamscape.
What a world it is
that great philosophers should work in retail.
I hear Socrates has
a job at UPS now.
been particularly bogged down with work and whatnot, lately, so updating
my blog more regularly has not been convenient. But that's okay.
03/15/04 | 12:29
I only have to work
one more 9 - 5 day at Wal-Mart for this Friday, and then I'm free -- free
at last -- for the entire weekend. I'm encouraged by the observation that
my first paycheck from Wally-World should be leaning more toward $1000
than $500. Somewhere between there.
March 17th was the
one-year anniversary of when Anna and I started dating. We dined at the
Black Forest restaurant in Asheville, after I got off work. It was a really
I'd love to say more
about it, but I'm really tired right now. So I'll just say that Anna is
a wonderful woman. I have no regrets, and I wouldn't trade her for anybody.
She never ceases to intrigue me.
Good night, love.
I have much to say,
still, but it will have to wait until the next entry or so.
am not really sure what caused it, but I've come to recognize that, it
seems, I've been at my most optimistic in years, since 2004 started. I've
certainly been a little discouraged, at times, but I no longer feel haunted.
I no longer feel as if I can be kept down and restrained from all that
I aim to do. I think my improved visualization abilities have been helping
my mood tremendously. I finally have a pretty good grasp of how I can improve
myself in that area, and that gives mea lot of hope.
03/08/04 | 11:58
I've lost my fear
It's a good feeling.
But I do need to
catch up with my intended visualization exercises. I've been neglecting
them for the past week. But I am happy to announce that I have been becoming
far more visual than I was. I still have problems, but I am having occasional
inspirations of fairly vivid visualizations -- just right out of the blue.
I made no conscious effort for it, so it's a big deal.
I've spent four consecutive
days working at Wal-Mart, for the past week. It's been working out okay,
I suppose. I'll be working 9-5 from Monday to Friday. I'll have a pretty
paycheck at the end of a fortnight. I think I'm going to try to complete
my cashier training before seriously considering other work, albeit my
original plan was to stick with Wal-Mart for 3 weeks, see how I'm getting
along with it, and then evaluate whether or not I feel I'd be more comfortable
at some other job. Of course, there is plenty of room for me to be comfortable
with other work. Rather, what I meant was, at the end of 3 week's time,
I intend to consider whether or not I want to go job-hunting again.
But yeah. So far,
not too bad. The employees are well-behaved, and I really appreciate that.
I have a good sponsor who is very well versed in her job, so it's very
accomodating to learn from her. Nobody's given me the "you idiot" look
yet. Well, none of the employees, really. Some of the customers, on the
other hand, have. Very few, though, and it's almost inevitable to get that
anyway. Because people in general are impatient, selfish bastards. ;( Retail
Ehhh, bed time. Thanks
for listening to me rant.
me this: Is it not rather ridiculous how some bloggers write virtually
the same sort of thing in essentially every entry they commit? What's the
point, really? I mean, clearly it's benefiting neither them nor their audience
in any intellectual or philosophical capacity. You'd have to dig really
deep to find meaning in their ramblings on shallow love or self-pity. I
believe that the first priority of a blog is to serve some purpose for
the writer. If that purpose is not served, there is no point.
03/05/04 | 11:52
But I digress.
I begin orientation
at Wal-Mart in the morning. I don't know how long I'll be busy for the
day. Hopefully, getting along with the other employees won't be a big trial.
I'm kinda eager to get back to work on Anna's back porch. We're redecorating
it, and it looks like it's going to turn out wonderfully. We've already
finished painting two chairs, a table top, and other stuff. All of which
look positively magnificent.
had a dream.
03/04/04 | 12:54
And yet I didn't?
So... for some reason,
I found myself driving home from what I think was the Asheville Mall. I
actually remember reminding myself that, should anything odd happen, that
I need to realize that this is a dream and then I'd be able to control
Well, guess what.
Somehow, driving home on the highway turned into foot traffic. Everyone...
walking... on a highway... like cars. I decided to pass this old lady rolling
by on a school desk. It was a tight squeeze, but I did it anyway. Soon,
I reached my destination. And it wasn't home; it was some kinda back lot,
and it was a place so much akin to the Asheville Mall. Except it was missing
some additions the actual mall has now.
I also met some brunette
woman there. Her image is now faded on my mind, but my recollection seems
to put her in the role of my mother. With that figure, it's not bloody
likely. Can't say I had any attraction to this woman, though.
Sometime later, this
big and burly chap got caught up in travels and began flirting menacingly
with the woman. Time and again, she'd turn him away. Eventually, he came
back with a wooden board and beat up her stomach with it until she bled.
The bleeding looked very fake, but the violence didn't. There were plenty
of people in the mall watching this, but they did nothing. They literally
just sat there, only slightly unnerved.
The dream faded somewhat,
soon after that. Next thing I know, I'm Spider-Man and I'm aiming to beat
the crap out of Venom, whose true identity was apparently the big and burly
I don't remember
what happened after that.
03/01/04 | 5:41 p.m.
I never thought I'd
miss them. I mean, they can be bloody annoying bastards, mostly on account
of me living in the woods, but I have nevertheless missed those buggers.
Tonight, they've come back out to greet nature, once again. So many months
of silence are now over. This means the season is changing.
Spring is awakening.
And I'm thrilled.
It cannot be argued:
my fiancée is a gypsy. Herbal therapist, crafty, artistic, ambitious,
quick witted, excellent sense of style, and she possesses a keen sense
of business. And I can't forget to mention her uncanny luck, which is one
of the core marks of a gypsy. I like that.
March 17th will mark
our one-year anniversary.
I've spent most of
my day helping Anna out with things. I've been cleaning her bathroom out,
and most of it is finished now. We're redecorating several rooms in her
house. The back porch is the big project, but we haven't started on that
Gays can have television
shows, they can have rallies, they can have parades. Hell, they can even
make marriage gay. But durn it, they're not takin' mah rainbows. Not that
there'd be anything wrong with that, if they did.
The plot thickens.
February was long as hell. And that's really saying something, 'cause it's
a 29-day month. I'm über glad to have it over with. It was, however,
a fairly good month. Many things happened within that month. Good things,
bad things -- but all in all, I think we learned something.
And for me, it was
that hamburger and sesame seed oil don't necessarily complement each other.
I watched the Oscar's,
yesterday. Johnny Depp didn't win best actor award, which was the very
reason I was watching. Waste of time.
The Oscar's can be
so predictable. For example, anything LotR was nominated for, we all knew
it would be chosen victor. I don't really have a problem with that, though.
LotR was a very good trilogy. They earned it.
Was anyone else disturbed
by that mannish woman-thing that they had singing for LotR at the Oscar's?
My color scheme for
my new blog sure does remind me of...
You know them. Those
pickle people. I love me them pickles.
March feels like
a pickle month. Out of all the months to be appropriate for pickles, March
easily beats them all. Don't ask me why, 'cause I don't know.
I completed a digital
drawing I was working on for awhile, quite recently.
on this image
that's the way it is," spoken by a body who's only used to the way it was.
of the Day | Sensei Mashu
who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a
the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very
angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail
in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this?
And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive
them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.
Einstein (1879 - 1955), when asked to describe radio
wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.
has a greater sense of intellectual degradation after an interview with
a doctor than from any human experience.
lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens.
bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't
we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane.
not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing
over and over.
St. Vincent Millay
trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
doesn't always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no
happier than people with nine million dollars.
don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that
the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
great advance in natural knowledge has involved the absolute rejection
H. Huxley (1825 - 1895)
the film editor went up for his award at the Oscar's, I was like, "Y'know,
you'd think, given his profession, his speech would be brief."
of the Day | Sensei Mashu
is the land awakening. The March winds are the morning yawn.