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03/29/04 | 12:52 a.m.

Yesterday, I defeated a warrior bush.

Today, I had the best Italian wedding soup I've ever had in my life.

Today, I have learned to buy things more intelligently.

Today, I saw a beautiful watercolor sunset.

Today, I was alive. I was myself.

Today, we were free, if only for a little while.

I can't make a career with companies that are so distrusting of their employees that they will sacrifice comfort just to eliminate all possible temptations for laziness.

I'm going to try to make sure that I do not let myself sleep my share for a day if I do not do at least one thing I recognize as productive. It isn't good for the soul to be a robot.

03/26/04 | 10:26 p.m.

I'm the sort of person who considers myself rich if I have $300 to my name. There are plenty who believe $1 million is hardly worth anything. Evidently, they don't shop as well as I do.

Finally got my Wal-Mart paycheck for my first pay period. It was about $360. I was expecting $700 or so. But oh well.

03/20/04 | 11:32 p.m.
I keep very few friends, nowadays. I always did have very few, but at least now I've learned to hold onto the ones that actually care.

For those of you that I know do care, I'm sorry that I haven't been able to spend time with you more freely. I've been very, very busy, lately. To boot, my new job will foreseeably be much more pressing on my time than my previous jobs were. Man, if I were to continue to work this hard, I wish I could keep it to just three days out of a week. This 9 - 5 shit for 5 days a week just isn't to my taste. This is the sort of thing that ruins your back by the time you reach middle-age. And all because people want friendly service as quickly as possible. Little do they know that they're just receiving trained responses that have been programmed into you like a computer program, and that your politeness is all a part of a script.

Anna and I went for a walk, today. We observed some of the bits and pieces of the old Brevard that have been decaying around the newer businesses. It was charming.

We walked by Creative 101, and the shopkeep kinda verbally dragged us in. We had a nice chat for about an hour. I think I'm going to slap together some digital artwork for her gallery, sometime soon. She has this thing where art submissions are free for a day, or something. I'm thinking of taking advantage of that.

Nice woman.

03/20/04 | 1:34 p.m.
I forgot something I wanted to mention in my previous entry.

Yesterday, at my Wal-Mart job, there was this guy who came to my register that reeked of shit. It was so bad that I swear you'd be able to smell him from a mile away. It stunk so bad that it seemed to penetrate every pore in my body, putting me at serious risk of blackheads everywhere.

Just wanted to get that out. ;p

03/20/04 | 11:44 a.m.
Which was first? The question or the answer?

A question always comes in response to experiencing something new. The answer is an unknown block, and questions are the chisel to carve out the answer's true form. Eventually, through a series of questions, the task is accomplished.

So in considering this, the question of whether the question or the answer came first is resolved: it is the answer.

I can't remember what I was thinking to choose to write this out. Let me know how you people interpret it.

A person's work shouldn't be something that leaves him unfulfilled at the end of the day. That's the difference between what's your job and what's your work. My work is not CVS, it is not Papa John's, and it is not Wal-Mart. My work is not college with all its retarded restrictions and obligations. My work is about me, and the things I want accomplished -- not what someone else tells me to do, serving their ends. But sometimes jobs must be served before one can work. However, I'm not going to allow myself to be stuck with jobs forever.

I shall have work that fulfills me. My work is a limitless dream, although it is gradually entering into the realm of reality. And when the dimensional gate between dream and reality is pulled inside out, I will live my dream. Our dream. This is our dreamscape.

What a world it is that great philosophers should work in retail.

I hear Socrates has a job at UPS now.

03/19/04 | 12:27 a.m.
I've been particularly bogged down with work and whatnot, lately, so updating my blog more regularly has not been convenient. But that's okay.

I only have to work one more 9 - 5 day at Wal-Mart for this Friday, and then I'm free -- free at last -- for the entire weekend. I'm encouraged by the observation that my first paycheck from Wally-World should be leaning more toward $1000 than $500. Somewhere between there.

March 17th was the one-year anniversary of when Anna and I started dating. We dined at the Black Forest restaurant in Asheville, after I got off work. It was a really nice evening.

I'd love to say more about it, but I'm really tired right now. So I'll just say that Anna is a wonderful woman. I have no regrets, and I wouldn't trade her for anybody. She never ceases to intrigue me.

Good night, love. Merry anniversary.

I have much to say, still, but it will have to wait until the next entry or so.


03/15/04 | 12:29 a.m.
I am not really sure what caused it, but I've come to recognize that, it seems, I've been at my most optimistic in years, since 2004 started. I've certainly been a little discouraged, at times, but I no longer feel haunted. I no longer feel as if I can be kept down and restrained from all that I aim to do. I think my improved visualization abilities have been helping my mood tremendously. I finally have a pretty good grasp of how I can improve myself in that area, and that gives mea lot of hope.

I've lost my fear of failure.

It's a good feeling.

But I do need to catch up with my intended visualization exercises. I've been neglecting them for the past week. But I am happy to announce that I have been becoming far more visual than I was. I still have problems, but I am having occasional inspirations of fairly vivid visualizations -- just right out of the blue. I made no conscious effort for it, so it's a big deal.

I've spent four consecutive days working at Wal-Mart, for the past week. It's been working out okay, I suppose. I'll be working 9-5 from Monday to Friday. I'll have a pretty paycheck at the end of a fortnight. I think I'm going to try to complete my cashier training before seriously considering other work, albeit my original plan was to stick with Wal-Mart for 3 weeks, see how I'm getting along with it, and then evaluate whether or not I feel I'd be more comfortable at some other job. Of course, there is plenty of room for me to be comfortable with other work. Rather, what I meant was, at the end of 3 week's time, I intend to consider whether or not I want to go job-hunting again.

But yeah. So far, not too bad. The employees are well-behaved, and I really appreciate that. I have a good sponsor who is very well versed in her job, so it's very accomodating to learn from her. Nobody's given me the "you idiot" look yet. Well, none of the employees, really. Some of the customers, on the other hand, have. Very few, though, and it's almost inevitable to get that anyway. Because people in general are impatient, selfish bastards. ;( Retail can suck.

Ehhh, bed time. Thanks for listening to me rant.

03/08/04 | 11:58 p.m.
Tell me this: Is it not rather ridiculous how some bloggers write virtually the same sort of thing in essentially every entry they commit? What's the point, really? I mean, clearly it's benefiting neither them nor their audience in any intellectual or philosophical capacity. You'd have to dig really deep to find meaning in their ramblings on shallow love or self-pity. I believe that the first priority of a blog is to serve some purpose for the writer. If that purpose is not served, there is no point.

But I digress.

I begin orientation at Wal-Mart in the morning. I don't know how long I'll be busy for the day. Hopefully, getting along with the other employees won't be a big trial. I'm kinda eager to get back to work on Anna's back porch. We're redecorating it, and it looks like it's going to turn out wonderfully. We've already finished painting two chairs, a table top, and other stuff. All of which look positively magnificent.

03/05/04 | 11:52 a.m.
I had a dream.

And yet I didn't?

So... for some reason, I found myself driving home from what I think was the Asheville Mall. I actually remember reminding myself that, should anything odd happen, that I need to realize that this is a dream and then I'd be able to control it.

Well, guess what. Somehow, driving home on the highway turned into foot traffic. Everyone... walking... on a highway... like cars. I decided to pass this old lady rolling by on a school desk. It was a tight squeeze, but I did it anyway. Soon, I reached my destination. And it wasn't home; it was some kinda back lot, and it was a place so much akin to the Asheville Mall. Except it was missing some additions the actual mall has now.

I also met some brunette woman there. Her image is now faded on my mind, but my recollection seems to put her in the role of my mother. With that figure, it's not bloody likely. Can't say I had any attraction to this woman, though.

Sometime later, this big and burly chap got caught up in travels and began flirting menacingly with the woman. Time and again, she'd turn him away. Eventually, he came back with a wooden board and beat up her stomach with it until she bled. The bleeding looked very fake, but the violence didn't. There were plenty of people in the mall watching this, but they did nothing. They literally just sat there, only slightly unnerved.

The dream faded somewhat, soon after that. Next thing I know, I'm Spider-Man and I'm aiming to beat the crap out of Venom, whose true identity was apparently the big and burly chap.

I don't remember what happened after that.

Weird dream.

03/04/04 | 12:54 a.m

I never thought I'd miss them. I mean, they can be bloody annoying bastards, mostly on account of me living in the woods, but I have nevertheless missed those buggers. Tonight, they've come back out to greet nature, once again. So many months of silence are now over. This means the season is changing.

Spring is awakening. And I'm thrilled.

It cannot be argued: my fiancée is a gypsy. Herbal therapist, crafty, artistic, ambitious, quick witted, excellent sense of style, and she possesses a keen sense of business. And I can't forget to mention her uncanny luck, which is one of the core marks of a gypsy. I like that.

March 17th will mark our one-year anniversary.

I've spent most of my day helping Anna out with things. I've been cleaning her bathroom out, and most of it is finished now. We're redecorating several rooms in her house. The back porch is the big project, but we haven't started on that just yet.

Gays can have television shows, they can have rallies, they can have parades. Hell, they can even make marriage gay. But durn it, they're not takin' mah rainbows. Not that there'd be anything wrong with that, if they did.

The plot thickens.

03/01/04 | 5:41 p.m. | Ignition.
Boy, February was long as hell. And that's really saying something, 'cause it's a 29-day month. I'm über glad to have it over with. It was, however, a fairly good month. Many things happened within that month. Good things, bad things -- but all in all, I think we learned something.

And for me, it was that hamburger and sesame seed oil don't necessarily complement each other.

I watched the Oscar's, yesterday. Johnny Depp didn't win best actor award, which was the very reason I was watching. Waste of time.


The Oscar's can be so predictable. For example, anything LotR was nominated for, we all knew it would be chosen victor. I don't really have a problem with that, though. LotR was a very good trilogy. They earned it.

Was anyone else disturbed by that mannish woman-thing that they had singing for LotR at the Oscar's? Blech.

My color scheme for my new blog sure does remind me of...

Mt. Olive.

You know them. Those pickle people. I love me them pickles.

March feels like a pickle month. Out of all the months to be appropriate for pickles, March easily beats them all. Don't ask me why, 'cause I don't know.

I completed a digital drawing I was working on for awhile, quite recently.

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Quote of the Day | Sensei Mashu

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Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955), when asked to describe radio

 I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.

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Alice James


Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens.

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Bob Hope

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Jimmy Buffet

 It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over. 

Edna St. Vincent Millay

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean. 

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Money doesn't always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars.

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Jack Benny

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Springtime is the land awakening. The March winds are the morning yawn.

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